Wear a mask
I wear a mask
A mask that hides my face
A face that expresses my pain
A pain that rules my heart
A heart that is truly in vain
No moreSlit my wrists and hope to die
Sit around and wonder why
I love you and you love me
But I want to be set free
Because of you I can't leave
Loving you is my pet peeve
Close your eyes, don't watch me fall
Cuz I'll want to end it all
I don't know if I'm still here
Or if I've succumbed to fear
I can live this life no more
I lay silent on the floor
I have no more tears to shed
Close my eyes, lay down my head
Slowly let my smile fade
Wonder if I should have stayed
ListenStop whatever you're doing
Don't listen to those fake thoughts
Put your hand over your heart
Do you feel that
Do you feel the beat
You're body is pulsating
And with light
And if you listen close enough
You can actually hear that in those beats
It's like listening to a clock ticking through time
Now, that's how to REALLY listen to your heart
And once you hear it's beauty
You'll want to hear more
So maybe it's time that you listen to someone else's heart too
Hearts beat in sinc
Just like how my heart beats for you
Let's take a break from this nightmare
Put your head on my chest
As my heart beats for you
And let our hearts gradually beat slower
As we fall asleep
Into a better dream
BurnCan you hear me?
Can you see me?
Do you fear me?
Could you be me?
What do you think?
Could it be true?
Is it possible,
That I could be you?
What do you say?
You sense that I'm here,
And I'm here to stay.
The words don't come out right,
The pain just stays in,
And there's nothing you can do about it,
No way you can win.
So let me hold you,
And watch you burn.
From dust you came,
To dust you return.
Read those words again
And that's exactly
What I did
I turned to you
"Do you think
That I might
And you said
But you did know
Would do anything
To help prevent it
Up to me"
Then I worried
Because you are my strength
You lifted up my chin
With your gentle grasp
And gazed into
My pool of tears
With your very own
"Even if you do
End up broken again
I will still be there
To pick up the pieces
By my side
In my heart
I knew I wouldn't fall apart again
We'd fall togeter
FarDeep or shallow
Full or hollow
After a while you don't even know
It all rushed so fast, yet went so slow
The signs are clearly starting to show
And now you're afraid as to how far you'll go
are you there?
I can feel your eyes boring into me,
I can sense your stare."
Is that all you have to say?
You have no words of "hope" to tell
Before I fade away?
I've come to heal.
I know exactly how you feel."
"You know nothing!" I harshly whispered.
"I refuse to take off the mask I have on.
The damage has already been done and it's irreversible now,
for I am already gone."
"What?" You uttered.
"What do you mean?"
Wow, you're clueless. But it is pitch dark,
so I guess the blood can't be seen.
"It's all over now." I whispered,
finally a real expression of peace on my face.
Now I finally saw that "hope" you spoke of,
as I slipped away, smiling and staring off into space.
Blend InWith sharp words and empty smiles
You discovered the will and strength that I was lacking
You took a swing at me and liked the power
So you just kept on attacking
You pushed me down and hovered over me
You lunged at old scars and kept on hacking
Your grin full of satisfaction and eyes full of venom
Because you could see I was breaking and cracking
Then I'm not quite sure what happened next
But I was aware of your feet clicking and clacking
Though I knew you were fleeing
I was unaware of what sent you packing
As I picked myself up, my vision was blurring
I collapsed in a corner, my mind slurring and slacking
My wish to "blend into the scenery" had come true
As I slipped away and became part of the wall to which I was still backing
TwistI'll draw how I feel
If you really insist
It'll be a small picture
But you'll get the gist
Though it comes with a price
And it comes with a twist
For the "pen" is a razor
And the "parchment" is my wrist
WingsA rip and a tear
The glimmer of dim light causing the metal to glare
But we won't stop there
Because this is the only thing for which we still care
With every drop, we're falling fast and falling faster
Pushed to the edge by life's unmerciful disaster
The pure cruelty of this world hidden by lies
Kept caged behind sorrowful, sullen, sunken, dull eyes
And that's only part of our mask
But you should know better than to ask
Because after the first couple of cracks and chips
We decidedly seal our fake-smiling lips
For we are already weakened and wish to hurt no more
We're still trying to heal the hole you unknowingly tore
For when you went, emptiness was left behind
We can't believe we trusted you, we were childish, stupid, and blind
You must remember we're fragile and scared though we hate to admit
With every pang of guilt and shame, you know where it's going to hit
And because our mask isn't easily
acrimonyi have spent too long loving you
like a store shutting down, slashing my prices,
hoping there’s something here you might
want to buy before i go under.
this is not your fault. i was told that loving
desperately and wholly was light years
better than loving practically, but you
have spent four years loving me like i am a siege
and you are worried that your fortress’s walls
are not high enough. i think i mean
that you love me cautious; you love me
most nights i waste hours not looking at my phone
and trying to remind myself how much i am
worth without you by my side. the numbers
never add up. maybe this is because
you have never been constant enough to be an equation.
look here, i have it on good authority
that universes exist in my skin and stars have died
so that i could live. stars have died and i have
survived and you will not be the one to make me wish
my soul was nothing but a black hole.
i can’t shake the thought that you are my novel and
i am y
He Wore My Makeup AgainAt least it wasn't a dress this time,
but I know that my boyfriend
has something to hide.
When I'm not looking, he takes my purse,
uses my make up to cover the hurts.
Dabs his fingers into my foundation,
taps it on his face, with hands
as skilled as a physician.
The brush he rubs down the angles of his cheek.
He should be thankful that he's
the same complexion as me.
I've never seen him with a bare face,
whenever he's with me,
the make up will stay.
At least he hasn't used my lipstick
yet, I don't know how I would
feel about him adorned in red.
And my eye shadow, he seems to leave alone,
it seems he uses my make up,
just for an even tone.
Perhaps he'll progress to using the rest,
and then I suppose then, he'll start
wearing a dress.
I guess it's slow, this painful transition.
I just want him to say it,
he's already got my attention.
I get it he's a cross dresser, he has to be right?
Isn't that what men who want to
be women describe themselves like?
I think I'll confront him about his f
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
her beautiful words
and telling her to
keep it down,
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
AlcoholicYour tux is the color
of a coal miner’s face
after a long, hard day of work-
something you’ve never
had to experience
yet you talk as though
you’re just as worn out;
your trivial chit-chat
is turning syrupy with every sip,
although your sentences
aren’t getting any sweeter
you grab another glass
of the effervescent liquid,
hoping the sea of people
will turn to black coal,
and it will be dark enough
for you to fall asleep
as you walk tipsily to the bathroom,
the overpaid opera singer
belts her last high note- a bit too high;
your crystal glass shatters
into a thousand pieces
And with it, you shatter too.
GayI am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your co worker
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.
It Was Never You...It really wasn't...
And I know that I can twist this truth as much as I want...
Whenever I'm sober, when I know I can put up that fake plastic smile;
Just a few formal words that burn like acid from a liar's lips!
"Differences in personality, a divergence in ideals..."
Please, fucking, SPARE ME!
Because when I look in this mirror, I know.
When I see myself looking back at me, I know.
Right here, right in front of my own blackened self;
Those eyes that both reflect and stare into my dingy soul.
I was the problem.
I was the instigator.
I was the perpetrator.
And when I had broken every last bit of her,
I was the one, who let it all fall to pieces.
So please, you don't have to feel sorry for me,
I am a bastard and I've got a very special place in hell waiting for me...
- Word of Chen, Darkest Hour, 16th February 2015
I won't cryyou can ask me how I am.
that's okay I won't cry
I don't know how I am, I can't correctly describe it.
Other than to say there's a constant ache in my chest
and a tightness in my throat,
with swelled up emotions sitting somewhere at the back of my eyes.
You should be careful what you say
but then I can't even explain what triggers these feelings
so say what you like,I'll just react in which ever way,
cos I have no controll now.
The way I feel everyday, has become so familiar to me,
since I lost him.
Sometimes it's so hard to bear,
the constant ache in my chest threatens to crush me
It's hard to breath.
The tightness im my throat burns,
I want to wail out loud my inarticulate utterances of grief
and release all my pent up emotions.
But don't worry you can ask me how I am.
It's okay, I won't cry.
Written by Suzanne karbach
21st may 2015
Soldier BoyOne day he came home,
A man given freedom.
He looked in the mirror,
And liked what he saw...
The days wore on,
And he lived his life.
Morning PT was a distant memory,
So too were the shouts of a Sergeant.
Training came thrice at first,
Then twice, then once,
The days wore on...
And life became harder,
Sacrifices were made.
He looked in the mirror one day,
And didn't like what he saw.
Not the pot-bellied man working for a few scraps.
Nor the slovenly fellow who'd forgotten how to clean his kit.
He earned his freedom, but he had lost what he respected...
And the days wore on...
And so he went out running, one fateful day,
His lungs burning with every breath.
Yet despite the pain inside his chest,
He resolved the soldier, would return to his best.
"You've been gone a long time Corporal Chen, what say we go once more around
-Word of Chen, One-shot, 24 February
things to take to college1. between the two of us, we have eaten miles
of pavement, we have spent months pressing
the same four wheels into the ground.
whenever you need to, follow those tracks again.
they will lead you back home.
2. there are songs i only figured out how to sing
with you beside me. even now, the words
sound awkward in my throat.
the notes are wrong. i’m not sure what makes
something sacred, but words like that
i only know how to sing with a quiet
reverence i can’t seem to find anymore.
3. i am good at writing poems that convince
people to stay. i don’t know how to write
a poem to someone that i know is going to leave
no matter what i say.
4. you have faith in spades. and i’m not talking about
god. i’m talking about that tangible faith in
humanity, the faith that always makes you
ask me how my day was, even if the answer
is always the same.
5. to be truthful, i don’t want you to stay.
some people are made for the great unknown.
6. we have watched more sunset